swan_forest | Unrequited Love?

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kise ryouta

Unrequited Love?

Kaijou and Seirin had just had their first practice match, which was shaping up to be a tradition of sorts. This time, Kaijou had gone to Seirin. The gym was nice, newer then Kaijou's but maybe not as big.

He was breathing heavily, but smiling broadly. It always felt good to play, even if it was just a practice match and they weren't going all out. After all, he wanted to keep some of his new tricks up his sleeves, just like he was sure Kagami and Kuroko were hiding some of their new tricks too. This year's match had ended in a draw. Better than last year's practice match, which had ended in Kaijou's loss by two points.

Just thinking about Kuroko made Kise look over to the Seirin team, focusing in on the smaller boy.

For awhile now Kise had realized that he had feelings for Kuroko. Kise had looked up to Kuroko for awhile, but it wasn't really until after the Winter Cup that Kise realized he was probably in love with Kuroko.

He took a towel that one of the first years offered him. "Thanks," he said absently. He scrubbed at his face, his thoughts racing. He had been thinking about Kuroko a lot lately, and seeing him only brought those thoughts back to the surface, only pushed aside when the game had begun. Now with the game over he couldn't focus. The warm glow in his chest that came whenever he thought about Kuroko was back with a vengeance.

The Kaijou team was gathering their things and getting ready to board the bus. He told the first year that he'd be along in a bit and began to head over to the Seirin team.

"Kurokocchi~" he called out. No time like the present, he thought. He didn't know if Kuroko would return his feelings, but he was hopeful. The time Kuroko had cheered him on while he went up against Haizaki stood out in his mind.

"Kurokocchi! You got a minute?"

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The Winter Cup's semifinals were done. Touou vs. Rakuzan, with Rakuzan winning. And Seirin vs. Kaijou.

It was close. One point. 108 to 107, Kaijou's win. His win. He scored a three-point shot at the end after stealing the ball from Kuroko, finally copying one of Kuroko's famous steals. The three-pointer had been a desperate move; he was only fifty percent sure he could make it, even though he had been in the zone and using perfect copy throughout the last quarter. But unlike Aomine and Murasakibara, who went one-on-one with Kagami last year, nearly forgetting about Kuroko, Kise was going one-on-two against Kuroko and Kagami. And it had been exhausting.

But he did it. With the last of his energy, he had done it.

Kise stared at the scoreboard, not quite believing it. It was over. It was the best game he had ever played. It was the most fun he had. And he won against Kuroko. He turned, ignoring the screams of the crowd, "Kurokocchi-" was on his lips before pain-in-the-ass Masaki body slammed him in a big bear hug. Soon, he was being dogpiled by the rest of the team.

It was a haze after that. The bowing to each other, thanking each other for the good game. He kept an eye on Kuroko, but the other was harder to focus on than usual. Was he too revved up? Or was Kuroko's lack of presence tied to his mood?

He knew Kuroko had to be hurting from this game. It consumed his thoughts as he let himself be guided back to the locker room. "I'll catch up," he told the Masaki twins, who were his roommates in the hotel the team was staying for the Cup. "I wanna shower and find Kurokocchi. I wanna make sure he's okay."

The twins shared a look, gave him identicle looks of sympathy, and left him.

He took the fastest shower in the history of the Kise family, really more of rinsing off of sweat, shoved himself into clean underwear and his warmup suit, and went outside to look for his friend.

It took fifteen minutes, but he finally found him. He didn't speak, just quietly sat down next to him.

The final minutes of the game are electrifying - the energy and ferocity from all players on the court unmatched. Riko knows Kise would become even more a threat with another year of refining his Perfect Copy - she saves Kuroko mostly for the last half of the game, letting the light and shadow duo lead the way, but it says a lot for Seirin's future prospects that he was unneeded earlier. They really hold their own through the start and it makes him so proud to see the fruit of their hard-won labor. But he also isn't surprised when the buzzer rings out to signal the end and Kaijou is the victor.

Typically, Seirin leaves together after showering, but Kuroko isn't feeling up to it today, not after such an intense and shocking match. He also rushes through his shower, hair still a little damp as he says his goodbyes and uses his misdirection to disappear before any of the upperclassmen can protest.

He's sitting on the steps leading up towards the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium, a scarf wrapped haphazardly around his neck, every breath a visible puff in the chilly air. When Kise sits down next to him, he doesn't turn to acknowledge him, gaze fixated on the darkening winter sky stretched about above. A few moments of silence stretch between them before he offers a quiet, "congratulations again, Kise-kun. You were really spectacular out there."

"Thank you," Kise said quietly, not looking at Kuroko yet.

He pulls his knees up and circles his arms around them, resting his head against the concrete wall of the gymnasium. He wants to apologize, but he knows it'd only be an insult to how well Kuroko and the rest of Seirin played.

And he doesn't want to insult them. "It was the best game of my life," he said as the thought occurred to him. "Even if I beat Akashicchi tomorrow, this game would still be the best game. Because of you. You played the best I've ever seen you play. You're my rival. You're the one I had my eye on. Thank you, Kuroko Tetsuya, for the best game I ever played."

He doesn't know if it's the right thing to say. But it's the most honest thing he can say. It shows his respect for the boy who taught him how to play this game. Kuroko and Aomine were the two he wanted to beat most. He wanted to beat the rest of the Miracles too, but those two were the ones he was closest to. The ones he loved a little. Well, hero-worshiped in Aomine's case.

His words strike deep through to his heart as it aches from both loss and an unexpected, perhaps misplaced sense of satisfaction; he's incredibly proud that Kise has become someone who so deeply loves basketball, who cherishes and leads his team as their reliable ace.

"I had already said it last year," though only to Kagami, "Kise Ryouta of Kaijou is truly the ideal player and you've proven my point time and time again." He blows out a sigh, the frost more fleeting than smoke. "You were a more than worthy rival. Thank you for not holding back and playing an amazing game. I'll be hard-pressed to ever play a game that can top it."

He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath. "Because it's you, I know you'll carry your team to victory tomorrow. You have to beat them for Seirin, too."

Kise gives a little smile. "I'm not so sure we'll win; Akashicchi's team is very strong. But I'll do my best. I'll do it for you." He takes a breath. "If we win, it's your victory too. Because you're the reason I'm here."

He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Kuroko's temple. It's only for a heartbeat, but he leans back and studied his friend.

"You're thinking about what you told me last time we hung out, aren't you. Stop it. What I told you then is still true."

The pressure of the kiss makes him blink and it only takes him a moment for realization to hit about that and as well as his meaning. It had already been so long since then, everybody wrapped up in training and school, though he did try to carry the sentiments on through the tournament.

Kuroko slumps forward a little, unable to hold himself as straight as he usually does with all the wind taken out of his sails. "Thank you... but I'm afraid what I said then still rings true now, as well." He furrows his brow, trying to will the words out, but they feel caught in his throat. "Continuing on is..."

"Kurokocchi..." Kise's never really been in a position to comfort someone. Last year, the third years made him leave Katsumatsu alone to grieve their loss. He had wanted to go to his captain, but he didn't know what to say, so he let his senpai lead him away.

The loss against Touou in Interhigh had been his loss, his fault. And Katsumatsu had comforted him. His inability to let go of his hero worship of Aomine hadn't been their senpai's last attempt. Their loss against Seirin last year, though, wasn't anyone's fault. A good game.

"Maybe it is true," Kise said. "But I don't think so. You can still share so much with your team next year." He didn't know what to say, so just let his thoughts roll out on his tongue. "Maybe this is as far as your road goes as a competitive player. But you still love the game. That's what really matters. You taught me that. You taught everyone that.

"And maybe it's time to learn new tricks. Staying the shadows only works so long. You've always shined through for me. I think you should shine for everyone. Your basketball is beautiful, Tetsuya. It was never your skill that made it like that. It was your love that did."

No one's ever put it in such plain terms what they think about his basketball - it was always framed in the mindset of how unique or useless it is.

But still, his words help cement that he's making the right choice; Kuroko has reached his limits as a player, but he could still give to his team, it was true, and he will never stop loving the sport. His eyes get glossy, because it will be the first time telling someone outside of Seirin - he had so wanted to be more composed about this, but Kise always had a way of ruining his best laid plans. He turns to the other boy, sucking in a shaky breath and trying to summon up the determination.

"Thank you, Kise-kun... I truly appreciate it and I'll always be happy we could share in these experiences together. I'll treasure them always... I'll be retiring with the third years at the start of the new year and will become Seirin's manager going forward." Kuroko falters a bit, a tear rolling down his cheek as his emotions over their loss, his final opportunity to win, overtake him again. "It was frustrating, but thank you for an amazing last match."

"That wasn't-" That wasn't what he was supposed to say. That wasn't what he wanted to hear.

But Kise cuts himself off. "My words had the opposite effect than I wanted. But I'm happy that I helped you with your decision. It was obviously very hard for you."

His eyes imedietly go to the tear trailing down Kuroko's cheek, and his voice wabbles a bit as he reaches up to cup Kuroko's cheek and brushed his tear away with his thumb. "Kurokocchi. I will miss playing against you in tournaments and practice matches. And," his voice cracks. "Sorry, I'm being selfish. I know we can still play together, even though it will be different. We're not on the same journey anymore."

His breath hitches as he gazes into Kuroko's eyes. "I, Kurokocchi." He doesn't know what to do. "I still want to be part of your journey. Forever. And I want you to be part of mine. I don't think my basketball will shine without yours in my life. Without you in it."

Kuroko unconsciously leans into the warmth of his hand, the tears falling more freely. It's hard to hold them back now with such sweet reassurances and it feels like his heart is being squeezed. It's confusing, but not unwelcome, because he realizes... he feels cherished by Kise.

He wants to be selfish, too - he wants to keep shining alongside everyone, but he knows this is for the best. He has to be logical about it, even if his emotions are roaring at him to not give up.

"I know it won't be the same, but I'll be here. I'll still support you, no matter what. You have a long way to go." He hiccups a bit, wiping uselessly at his other cheek, trying to smile through his tears. "You can copy my steal now, so it's as if... you'll always carry a part of me in your basketball." More concrete than just his influence. That thought makes him happy.

Kise watched, golden eyes sad as he watched one of his dearest friends cry about something neither of them could fix. Kuroko's body just wasn't built like the rest of the Generation of Miracles. He had made it work as long as he could. He was still a teenager, still growing, and already the height of the average Japanese man; he could quickly get another few centimeters in the following years.

But Kuroko's height wasn't the only problem. His low stamina, the fact his most significant asset on the court, was wearing thin. All of this was true. Kise hated. He hated this so much. Last year he thought nothing could stop Kurokocchi.

It turned out though, Kuroko's body was stopping him. It happened. He heard about it on the news, saw third years last year go through this. He hadn't paid it much thought. Thinking it wouldn't happen to him and his friends. They were exceptional! They were the Generation of fucking Miracles! Even if Kuroko was often forgotten about, he was still a member, their Phantom Sixth Man!

And now, here they were. It wasn't fair. He could say so many things, like he wished he could share his talent with Kuroko, or something like that, but it'd just be words. And empty words wasn't what Kuroko needed.

He leaned forward, pressed his lips to Kuroko's forehead. "I'm so glad I met you," he murmured. "C'mon, let's get out of the cold. The locker room's still open, we can warm up in there before we leave."

He's known with each match, each tournament, the price he was paying by being on the court. It was so much easier during middle school with the Generation of Miracles, when their combined brilliance easily overwrote him. Kagami was a dazzling light in his own right, but even that could not diminish his presence forever. He knew the risks of polishing his skills and he took them to guarantee their victories. It was worth it and he would never regret the choices he's made.

But it didn't stop it from being bittersweet, wishing he was as naturally blessed as his friends, wanting to continue chasing after them.

His thoughts come to a halt at the kiss - he isn't blushing, he isn't! His cheeks are merely already turning rosy from the sting of the chilly evening air. Kuroko nods, pulling back to rub fruitlessly at his tears with his sleeves.

Standing, Kise helped Kuroko to his feet, wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and guided him back inside. On the way in they ran across Coach Takeuchi, who gave Kise a funny look, before noticing Kuroko more or less bundled against him and the serious expression on Kise's face.

He reminded them not to stay too long, and left them alone.

Kise sat Kuroko down on one of the benches, then went and got some towels to wrap Kuroko up in them like blankets. "Do you want me to get you a drink?" he asked. He was sorely tempted to dry Kuroko's tears with a towel.

He tries his best to give a stilted bow to Coach Takeuchi, not able to go as low as he wanted, held as tightly as he was to Kise's side.

Kuroko feels and looks like a lost child, all swaddled up, eyes red-rimmed from his crying. He knows he should get something warm, but he nods and suggests, "Pocari, if it isn't sold out."

"You've got it."

He runs into Coach again as he dashes off to get the drink for Kuroko, and the coach gives him a sympathetic look as he shrugs on his coat, reminds Kise to get enough rest or else, and gives his shoulder a squeeze before departing.

Kise never made it a secret that of all the Miracles, Kuroko was the one he was closest to. And while he kept his sexuality on the down low, nearly everyone had guessed at this point that he asked Kuroko out earlier in the year, and the two of them were navigating a friendship after that.

As he never really thought about what other people might think, Kise's suddenly struck with the thought that Takeuchi knows more than he lets on. That's a scary thought.

Fortunately, there's Pocari in the vending machine nearest the locker room. He gets one for both of them, and heads back.

"Feeling better?" he asked. "I usually feel better after I cry. Except when Aominecchi's the one picking on me. Then I just feel frustrated." He sits next to Kuroko, taking and takes a drink.

"You shouldn't let him get to the point of making you cry," he says lightly, rolling the drink between between his hands, the temperature of it keeping his fingers chilled. "Should definitely punch him when he does."

He heaves a sigh into his scarf, tugging it up now that he's feeling a modicum of embarrassment over the whole situation. "I don't know if I feel better. I suppose I thought it would happen differently." He turns to look at Kise. "You're the first person I've told."

Edited 2023-02-17 14:47 (UTC)

"I'm not a violent person outside of the court," Kise admits. "I can be a jerk, and I don't care about people outside of my circle of friends and teammates."

He sighed and gently bumped shoulders with Kuroko. "He told me I cried pretty. I toyed with the idea of hooking up with him after I confessed to you. Just something physical. But I decided against it. He was complaining about Kagamicchi, and I realized he wanted Kagamicchi, so I decided against it."

He lets out a little hum. "I'm glad you felt like you could trust me with that."

"I feel like Kise-kun has indiscernible standards for romantic pursuits." Kuroko says this without any tone of judgement in his voice, though - just an observation.

He cracks open the soft drink and fiddles with the cap before taking a sip. "Maybe I'll have Kagami-kun tell the others, I don't care to repeat this experience." To be fair, he did also have his very last official loss clouding his thoughts, which made it more difficult to get the words out, even though he had been settled in this decision for months now.

"You're probably not wrong," Kise said. "But I never liked Aominecchi liked romantically. I was, well, horny and wanted attention."

Kise took another sip. "No, you shouldn't. Just them all at once. You'll regret it if you do it like that." He puts a hand on Kuroko's shoulder, squeezing. "Think about it though."

He goes quiet for a moment. "You want to hear a story? Something to get your mind off of this?"

He can't really say he understands that line of thinking, so he won't comment on it. Anything more would probably sound critical, but he understands that his views on the topic in particular were not common.

Kuroko does pout a little at Kise's objection. Let him be obstinate!

But he nods, nonetheless, more than happy to turn his thoughts to other things.

"I told you my oldest sister, Mihoshi, got me into modeling," Kise began. "And you know I've had girls claim to be my girlfriend because I'm semi-famous."

He took a breath. "Those were minor annoyances," he said. "I've mostly just ignored them. Because they're not stalkers."

He set his drink down. "I was seven when this happened, and Mihoshi was seventeen. She started the year before. Anyway, there was a fan who really liked her work. It was innocent at first; she was friendly and thought he was a friend. And it went south pretty quickly. He asked her out, and since he was, like, twenty-five, she turned him down. He went nuts. He turned into a stalker, would find out where her shoots were, go to them, and eventually, he started threatening her. Saying if she didn't go out with him, he'd make her pay.

"The police wouldn't do anything, not at first. Saying it was harmless and ignore it. But it was terrifying for all of us. Especially for me, since I had just started modeling too.

"Eventually, it got resolved. He assaulted dad, and dad's like me, doesn't have a violent bone in his body. He broke dad's arm, but he finally went away after that."

He let out a full-body sigh, feeling himself deflate a little, but in a good way; it was nice to get that out. He had never told anyone before. "So, that's why I'm the way I am, why I'm so slow to trust, why it takes so much for me to respect someone. Maybe it was the wrong move, but I didn't want to put my family through that. It hurt my sister so much. Hurt us. It felt like it was us against the world for a while. Why I'm cold to others, why I wait for them to prove themselves to me first before letting them in."

"But I'm glad I opened my world up to you."

He listens quietly to Kise's story, brows furrowing at the quick and unfortunate turn into darker territory. He reaches out and places a hand atop his, a small gesture of support, and gasps at the part about his father. It must be hard recounting such a traumatic experience.

"I'm sorry to hear your family was terrorized in such a terrible way..." His hand curls over his with a squeeze. "For the police to not do anything until a physical altercation happened... it's deplorable."

He sees why Kise would close himself off to the people around him - a defense mechanism for a young boy against a cruel world. Kuroko doesn't know if he truly deserves it, but he does treasure his friendship with Kise, even if he won't say it in as many words. "I'm honored you've let me in." That'll have to do for now.

"I didn't tell you to take away from what you're feeling," Kise clarified. "I've wanted to tell you for awhile, but like I said before, it's not just my story, it's Mihoshi-nee's too."

He leaned back. "It felt good to tell it. I haven't told anyone. I remember there was report about it, but it was years before middle school. So know one else knows. Well, the adults might, but they never brought it up to me." He brought his drink to his mouth and took a sip. "And whoever my sisters have told, but we're a tight lipped bunch. Dad's the most social. Mom, me, and my sisters, we're more reserved around people we don't know."

He looked at Kuroko. "I love you, Kurokocchi. You're one of the most important people in my life," he said, his cheeks turning a little pink at the admission. But he couldn't not say it. And there were many types of love, Kuroko didn't have to know it wasn't just platonic love Kise felt for him. "So I wanted you to know this about me."

"Oh..." His own cheeks redden beneath the remnants of his prior tears. His eyes slide away from looking at Kise, hand slipping away, now rolling the drink between his hands. The sounds of the crinkling of plastic fill the air.

"Thank you for giving me a part of yourself, Kise." Kuroko drops the honorific for once, but his words feel like lead in his mouth. Kise deserves so much better than someone who can't respond in kind to the endless amount of love he has to give, the quiet and steady devotion he's realized permeated their interactions since his first confession nearly a year ago. "I'm sorry that I can't..."

"It's okay, I know," Kise said easily; he knew his feelings weren't returned. "I've made peace with that."

And surprisingly, he was okay. He had nearly a year to get used to it. "You're my best friend, is what I meant. Everything else is just in the way of that."

He let Kuroko slip away. Took a breath. Stood. He stretched. Feeling like he shut something. A book or something. He didn't know what to say next. "You're an amazing person, Kurokocchi. I'm very lucky to have you in my life in any capacity."

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